The Fear of Unbecoming

From the time we’re conceived in our mother’s womb, we’re told what to do, who to be, how to live. It’s for our best interest. Our parents and our guardians are praying that we’re healthy, safe, successful, and more than anything, happy. What does it all mean? When do we become?

As a daughter, wife, sister, ladyboss, friend, and stepmother, I struggle to find my place in the relationships between my two stepchildren, my husband, the ex-wife, the in-laws, my parents, all social norms. Isn’t ‘livin’ the dream’ about graduating from college, having tons of friends, being skinny, being pretty, and making a lot of money? Shouldn’t I be a mother and a wife, have a great job, live in a big home with a pool and big kitchen with a family that loves, doesn’t judge, and cares deeply about each other?

But where in all of that ‘dreaming’ is what I want? Where do you stop to think about yourself and how you can give to YOU and then to others. When do we stop caring about the path our parents and society created for us and just be who we are. At our core. At our truest, rawest selves. When do we listen to our inner guide?

I have so much fear that I won’t ‘become’ what I’m ‘supposed to’ but I don’t even know what that is. What do I want? How can I give to myself and to others? 

How can I become what I never imagined and what nobody told me about or has shown me? 

There is no fear of becoming because that path is the easy one; that is what we’re doing this very moment. I work my ass off. Always. Shitty at standardized testing, I studied 2x harder than the rest and got two college degrees. I wanted to be student body president, which nobody thought I could. I pushed harder than my competitor and won. During my MBA, job interview after job interview, I watched people get what they want while I had to dig so deep and work so hard to get a big corporate job. And when I ask myself, why? Why push this hard? Why are you so ambitious? It’s a fear of regrets and not being good enough for myself and to the ceilings put up around me. 

So when you’ve beaten the fears that are engrained in us by society, you’re left with the deepest, hardest fear of all. WHO am I? What if I don’t become who I’m meant to be? What if I’m not good enough or strong enough for myself? 

That is the fear of unbecoming. 

But if I listen to my inner guide and the signs all around me, maybe I can become the woman I’m meant to be. The woman felt in my stomach, my heart, my mind. If I can trust this path and trust myself, perhaps we won’t have a fear of unbecoming but a love of being. 

Sending you the strength to be you, just as you are.


This article was featured on Daring Woman and I’d love to know what you think!